


Change for the Better

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Civil War Team Iron Man, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Not Friendly to Steve Rogers, Not Steve Friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 17:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12611776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: Tony becomes allergic to iron in Siberia. It's for the best, really.





	Change for the Better

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

It wasn't so much that the bar was seedy, it was that it was _seedy_. Literally, there were plants creeping up the walls in various stages from sprouts to flowering vines, with overblown massive purple and silver trumpet shaped blooms dripping seeds all over the straw covered floor.

Also, the flowers glowed, which, if he could worry about anything, might be cause for alarm.

But they had good booze, an unfamiliar drink with a flowery, fruity taste just the right side of sweet, and they were willing to let him pay in stories, which was good because even if he carried cash on him he didn't have their kind. Everyone else was paying in gold, silver, or copper coins. 

He didn't really know why he was bothering about details. He knew he was slowly freezing to death in Siberia, and this peaceful moment surrounded by friendly people... well, maybe he stretched the definition, some of them didn't look all that human... rambling, Stark, keep your brain going as long as you can... so, anyway, it was a pleasant dying hallucination, even if it was weird. He was painfree, warm, dry, had plenty of booze, and no one was blaming him for anything.

It made a nice change.

The being naked part was a little weird, but no one seemed to be making a fuss about it, and some of them weren't wearing much more than him. He also had a pink and gold glowing bubble bouncing around him, making musical chiming noises. It wasn't quite as annoying as DUM-E.

"Steel in your heart," the barrel-chested, extremely hairy guy standing next to Tony said after hearing about Afghanistan. They were an attentive audience, with a liking for gruesome details. For once he gave the whole, unexpurgated version without worrying that he'd be seen as a pathetic sympathy seeker. "That is a terrible way to die."

A green woman who had thorns for fingernails agreed with him silently. Tony wasn't sure whether she couldn't talk, or just didn't feel like it.

"It was good," Mr. Hairy Barrel said, "that you got rid of it."

A really tall, slender being of indeterminate gender flicked a forked tongue over its scaly lips. They lisped, "Thasss soo. Stteeel," they hissed, "nassty stttuf. No ssssteel."

Barrel guy nodded again. "It was very fortunate your familiar," at his words Tony's glowing bubble bounced up and down as if nodding along with Barrel guy, "was able to release you from that metal prison." He shuddered. "How you managed to withstand its corrosive touch is a wonder."

Various head and headlike anatomical features nodded around the bar.

"Steel is toxic to you people?" Tony thought, ok sure, why not. "Watch out for me, then. Starks are made of iron," he joked.

Barrel guy's unibrow lowered even further over his deep set coal black eyes. "But you are not made of iron."

Tony sighed and acknowledged the truth. He'd never been as tough as his father wanted. "So I guess I'm not a true Stark."

"Of courrrrrse you are not a SSSsstark," the reptile person said. It blinked and looked around the room. "Where issss the... ahh." They reached down the bar, past assorted snack items and picked up a bowl of what might blueberries, except that they were rainbow colored. "Tasste."

"Sure." It was a dream, what could it hurt? Tony picked up a handful of the berries and popped them in his mouth. They tasted... they tasted the way joy felt. Like the first time he flew, before Iron Man became a burden that dragged down at him even when he wasn't wearing it. His whole body shivered, vibrated like a violin string.

And then his wings burst out from his back, and spread in all their rainbow glory. "WHAT?" He was glowing, bright gold, and sparkling fizzy streamers. He flicked a wing forward to examine it. It was a dragonfly wing, braced with veins, and over all the colors poured and ran.

All the other people, creatures, and even the flowers bent down, bowing before him. "My pardon, your highness," Barrel guy said, "we thought you a common changeling."

Tony looked into the mirror behind the bar. His eyes were gold, and sticking out of his hair... yep. A pair of gold antennae. He wriggled them. A rush of forgotten memory came over him. He'd been so small, and so sick, and the only thing that could cure him was human milk. And Maria Stark had wanted a child so very very much... 

"So. This is a thing?"

"Yesss," said the reptile person. "Faery hassss a new king!"

"Break out the good stuff," Barrel guy demanded of the bartender, who whinnied in acknowledgement and began picking dusty bottles off the shelf behind it, using remarkably dextrous hooves.

"Yes!" the crowd cheered, straightening up and reaching out their glasses, mugs, and jugs.

Tony flapped his wings. "Really?"

 _Really_ the bubble chimed in Friday's voice. _You're the Boss!_

The doors to the bar burst open and a group of people flitted in, borne on insect wings, no two exactly the same. Tony was taller than the tallest one of them, but except for that, and the fact that they were all dressed in shimmering silken robes, they were much like him.

They brought him clothes, a silver diadem crown fitted with six gems- one in each of the colors of the spectrum- and a silver sword. It was a very nice sword. Tony swung it experimentally, and it _sang_ like the hum Rogers'... his _father's_ , no, _Howard's_ shield made.

The thought of Rogers made his wings buzz angrily. Maybe Maria Stark hadn't been his mother, but she'd been his _mom_. He hissed, and the room went silent. He had so many memories, so many. He came from a long line of vengeful tricksters. He smiled as he made a decision. He beat his wings once with a sharp _crack_ , disappearing from the bar. 

 

He appeared in a room full of machines and technology. It made him uncomfortable. So much steel. Perversely he wanted to master it, to make it his own as he had before, but what was there to go back for? No. Instead he flew, silent and invisible, around to face Rogers.

Rogers was standing in front of a cryo-tube, gazing on his refrozen friend. His expression was so sad. Poor Stevie! Poor Bucky! They would never have the good old days again! The good old days. Hah.

Tony smirked. He held out his sword and let the tip just touch Rogers' chest. He said softly, "Howard wasn't my father, and if he had been, he would have been a poor one. But he had been your friend. He looked for you for so long. He helped make you a big, strong, _hero_. You don't deserve that, either." Tony _pulled_ and the sword jerked in his hand, filling the silver with a blue glow.

Rogers cried out and fell to the floor. The Wakandan scientist monitoring the equipment came running up to watch in horror as Rogers _shrank_ and withered. Tony looked down at the tiny, bald, toothless, ninety year old man, feebly gasping and still reaching out to Barnes. "That's what you are without the serum. What a hero."

Tony laughed and snapped his wings again, careful to hold the sword up, so the serum didn't escape. It wanted to be helping a hero, he knew just the man.

He appeared in Rhodey's hospital room. "Hey, sugarplum," he said softly. 

"Tony?" Rhodey mumbled. He was obviously just coming out of anesthesia, and in the perfect state to see Tony as he was and accept him as normal. "You ok?"

"Never better. Brought you a present."

"Not grapes. I hate grapes," Rhodey said vaguely.

Tony laughed. "Much better than grapes." He touched the sword to Rhodey's bandaged legs, left, and right, and then his chest. The blue poured down the sword and into Rhodey.

Rhodey's eyes opened wide. "Tony, what?" He sat up and swung his legs smoothly over the side of the bed. He looked right at Tony without recognition. "Tony? I could have sworn..." Monitors began blaring and nurses and doctors ran into the room, past Tony.

Tony smiled at Rhodey. And then he snapped his wings down again. He had a party to get back to.

**Author's Note:**

> I had 3 hours sleep... I can still make words! Kinda. :^)
> 
> Also, I considered tagging this 'Tony is a fairy' but wasn't sure whether the joke was funny or offensive, so, eh. But he IS.


End file.
